on January 25, 2023
Do You Know What is Your Attachment Style Is?
Why are some people more ready for relationships than others? The question can be related to attachment, our desire to form an enduring, emotional bond that develops with another adult in an intimate, romantic relationship.
Attachment styles are formed in our childhood and impact our adult relationships
The way we form and maintain emotional bonds with others is rooted in our evolutionary history as humans. As we evolved, the care provided by parents to their offspring created the foundation for our experience of love. These bonds allowed us to form close relationships with others and promote love between us. However, beneath these attachment bonds, there are often underlying motivations for both approaching and avoiding connections with others. While we may desire to form close relationships, fears and other tendencies can sometimes make us hesitant and uncertain, leading to distance in our relationships.
The way we view ourselves and our relationships in childhood can have a profound impact on the way we form and maintain connections with others in adulthood. If we develop a negative self-image and feelings of unworthiness during our formative years, we may be more prone to anxiety and insecurity in our adult relationships. Conversely, if we learn that we can rely on others for support and validation, we may be more comfortable with intimacy and closeness in adulthood. The attachment styles we form in childhood can shape our adult relationships and influence how we approach and navigate our connections with others.
So what are the different attachment styles, and how do people with different attachment styles experience love, and how do different attachment styles affect our relationships?
The four main styles of attachment have been identified in adults:
- Secure
- Anxious–Preoccupied
- Dismissive–Avoidant
- Fearful–Avoidant
Secure people: Individuals with a secure attachment style have a lower level of anxiety and avoidance, and tend to be more comfortable in their relationships compared to those with other attachment styles. They typically have a positive view of themselves, their relationships, and their ability to form emotional connections. They also tend to feel comfortable with both intimacy and independence, and strive to find a balance between the two in their relationships. Securely attached individuals are often strong communicators and possess effective problem-solving abilities, such as the ability to compromise.
Dismissive people: Individuals with a dismissive attachment style tend to avoid dependencies and emotional closeness in their relationships. They may express a desire for independence, but this desire may stem from an effort to avoid attachment altogether. They tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and are not inclined to reveal much about themselves to others due to a lack of trust. They are less likely to be in a committed relationship and often deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the source of rejection to avoid conflict.
Fearful people: Individuals with a fearful attachment style tend to avoid relationships as much as possible. They may have experienced loss or trauma, such as childhood or adolescent sexual abuse, which has led to this attachment style. They desire emotionally close relationships, but often feel uncomfortable with emotional intimacy, due to the fear of getting hurt. They tend to seek less intimacy and frequently suppress their feelings, and may view themselves as unworthy of relationships and have a lack of trust in their partners.
Preoccupied people: Individuals with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style tend to be overly dependent and may experience jealousy in their relationships. They seek high levels of intimacy and approval from their attachment figures, sometimes valuing intimacy to the point of becoming overly dependent. They may be so worried about losing their relationship that they are not responsive to their partner’s needs and feelings. They may also have negative views of themselves and a sense of anxiety that is only alleviated when they are with their attachment figure/partner.
Can attachment styles be changed?
Our feelings we developed about ourselves and others are based on patterns of behavior and experiences that we have had early in our lives and are deeply ingrained. But life changing events, like being in an abusive relationship, can turn secure people into fearful-avoidant type behavior. And on the other hand – being in a stable, loving relationship can build trust that’s missing for an avoidant type person.
Recognizing your own attachment style can help you understand your patterns of behavior in relationships and how they may be impacting your ability to form lasting and healthy connections. It can also help you understand how to improve your relationships in the future. It’s also important to note that attachment styles can change over time with different experiences and self-reflection.
Do you want to know what your attachment style is? Psychology Today offers free attachment styles and many other self-help quizzes you can take now to learn more about your personality type.
